Category Archives: Self-Improvement

An Open Letter To My Human Family

 

Dear Family,

It’s time for us to take responsibility for our lives.  We have been finger-pointing and blaming others for the fact that for the most part we are miserable.  The reasons that we are so unhappy is that we have  been taught to accentuate the negative, and this is where our focus and attention drives our lives; in negative, unfulfilling directions.  Yet we want to blame the current status of our lives on others.  Here is the plain and simple truth…you have been lulling yourself into a sense of complacency when it comes to your own life.  No one is to blame for who you are, except for you, and here’s why…YOU HAVE THE FINAL SAY AS TO WHAT YOUR LIFE SHOULD BE LIKE, HOW YOU SHOULD BE LIVING IT, AND WHO YOU ARE. 

Most of us spend our entire lives not accepting responsibility for the events, situations, and circumstances that are our lives.  Regardless as to the circumstances that you grew up in, if they were what you’d think of as ideal, or if it was hell…the simple fact remains that you made it through it, you’re still here.  The question now becomes: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

The negative things that happen to us in our lives leaves an inedelible mark on our emotions, as well as our psyche, and we subconsciously allow that negativity to seep into the fabric of our being. 

We become psychic ‘vampires’ in a sense….going around sucking the vital life force out of all things positive with our cynical pessimistic outlook.

This is life. This is YOUR life.  It may not always feel fair, but it is.  Life gives you what you put into it.  If all you are pushing outwards into the world is cynicism, expect that to push back against you with three times the force you sent it out.

We are to be held accountable for all of the things that take place in our lives after a certain age.  It is time for us to rise up to the challenge and meet ourselves, so that we may go forward in our lives as opposed to remaining stagnant.

You are your lifes blessings, as well as curses. The absolutely wonderful thing, is that you actually have a choice in which one you become.

As always wishing you peace and blessings on your journey.

No, Really, It’s not Us…It’s You!

I could blame a lot of random circumstances on external forces.  I could say that my upbringing is the reason why I am the way I am right now, and that would explain why I chose to live certain ways. I probably would feel justified in placing the blame for all of my ills on the people who I have perceived as ‘doing me wrong”, or offending me in some form or another.  I think on some level we all feel justified in our responsibility shifting.  But today….I won’t. 

You see, in order for me to be comfortable with an answer for why my life is …well.. my life, I either have to  A). completely believe and accept that my life is totally out of my hands, and then to decide to continue living in ignorant ‘bliss’, or B). begin to investigate who these external ‘Powers that be’ were.  I am a control freak(it is something I am working on with much success), but I see that even though it is a character flaw, it has a purpose…my self-made controlling personality, will not allow me for one second to believe that “I” have no control over “My” life.  So I began to investigate the PTB’s.

The first REAL step in inquiring as to the nature of your life, has to be a commitment of honesty, and unbiased objectivity. We have to begin to see the patterns that have pervaded our entire lives.  And in order to actually move forward you have to be able to see who YOU really are, and what role you played in creating YOUR life.  In plain english, you have to commit to accepting the answers you get, when you pose questions to yourself, about yourself.  You hear people who say that there is no same way for everyone on their journey, but I do believe that there are common ‘rest-stops’ on everyones ride through life.  Here is one: rest assured, that you KNOW  you are on the right track in your investigation, when you begin to pose these FUNDAMENTAL questions to yourself about HOW you became you.  It becomes a little tricky after that,and a lot of us simply give up the fight, because the truthful answers to the questions ARE frightening. 

What scares most people is the glimpse of just how much control we really had over our lives, and how we voluntarily gave up that control to others….what makes us cringe, is the irrefutable proof that we have had the ultimate responsibility for what has become of our lives.  How you responded to every situation in your life, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically…how you interacted with others in the world, your job, your friends, even your supposed enemies…are all in your life because you attracted it to your life with your thinking. 

The next time you hear yourself say something like, ” everybody in my life is messed up”, keep in mind that you  attracted “messed up”, these people and situations are only being what they are..what you have in essence  asked them to be.  Don’t blame us for the fact that your life is not what you think it should be. You are the architect of your life, the gatekeeper of your world, if there is something there that dissatisfies you…YOU allowed it to play a major role.  Sorry to tell you, that if your life is a repeat of the same tired people, excuses, jobs, friends….BELIEVE that we are not the ones who are messed up…we are not the ones who need to change…because it’s really not US…..IT’S YOU that’s messed up.

As always wishing you unconditional love,peace and blessings 🙂

The Sad State of Talk Shows

I am placing myself on a talk show ban!  I am a firm believer in the power of our thoughts in creating our reality.  I believe that words and ideas have a power all of their own, and that they can take on a life completely individual from the individual.  I also know that what you surround yourself with also has a tremendous impact on our thought processes.

Most recently I was watching a talk show (it shall remain un-named, I really don’t want to get sued lol).  The two female guest were arguing over a man, and their romantic involvement with this man(who by the way turned out to be a woman), but that’s not important. 

What is important is that if we are a culture of supply and demand, what exactly is it that we’ve been demanding, when it comes to our talk shows.  I don’t know, maybe I am mistaken in thinking that the premise of talks shows is to transmit beneficial information to the masses.  How is showcasing humans at their most degrading, base level, beneficial to anyone?

My reaction to the arguing guest is what prompted me to pose the question of supply and demand.  I got rather bored with the 2 guest back and forth banter, and said aloud, “oh just hit her and get it over”. 

The ramifications of my statement, are that no matter how enlightened I believe I have become, regardless as to how much spiritual growth I am discovering within myself, I like the rest of us, am a product of my cultural conditioning.

In truth, we have been brainwashed, or I think the term subliminally forced into complacency when it comes to decency, is a much more appropriate moniker.  We will be very quick to say that we abhor, violence, and we are all intolerant of intolerance(or at least that is what we say), yet the show in question is one of the top rated on the planet.  It has even spawned several (tacky) movies.   Let’s not even talk about the 5 most recognizable words in western culture now: YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!  

In addition to the violence which seems to be what our culture is insistent upon, now we have to contend with the celebration of illegitimate children, broken homes, incest, promiscuity, obese children, “is it a man or a woman”, and infidelity. 

I sat down this morning with the intention of drawing attention to the sad state of talk shows.  What I have actually done, is drawn to my attention, the sad state of humanity, and especially the sad state of myself.  If I am part of the problem, then I should not call for anyone other than myself to be a part of the solution.  The answer begins with me.

Not only will I watch what I do, and say, I will also be incredibly conscious of the portrayals of ‘everyday living’ that I surround myself with.  I encourage you to do the same.  As always, wishing you inner peace, mental clarity, and emotional freedom.

Help Yourself

This book is you at this very moment, a blank slate.  You can choose the life-story you want reflected on these pages.  You are the author!I believe in self-help.  I believe in the possibility of self-improvement.  I am convinced that the human “Do-it-yourself-er” approach works.  I believe it simply because, I have integrated it into my life, and it has changed dramatically. 

Like a lot of other people, I had stacks of self-help books(unread or partially read) lying around my house.  I had made half-hearted attempts to get into them, and occassionally I would run across a passage that made me say “aha”.   I would begin to live whatever principle had made the impression on me for a little while.  The full speed ahead “aha” momentum was usually temporary, and I would find myself in the same living situations.   I kept the books dusted though, because I would get to them eventually(at least that’s what we say to ourselves).   I am not ashamed to admit, that when I really sat down and analyzed my life, I discovered how truly unhappy I was.   

Most of us don’t want to admit that we are unhappy.  It is this very act of secrecy that leads to us remaining unhappy, because we do so many counter-productive things in order to hide our disatisfaction from the rest of the world. 

I also began to see how I had, by way of my choices, created the misery I found myself submerged in.  One day I was channel surfing, and I ran across a Pbs special.  On the screen was a man with the most peaceful countenance about him, that I stopped to see what he was saying.  There seemed to be a comfortability within himself that radiated outward straight through the tv. 

I must have watched the special for an hour.  Only one thing he said during that hour has stuck with me until this day, and that was ” you invited everything into your life, that is in your life now”.   Hearing that led me to two conclusions:

1. I was responsible for the state of my life.  It was my life, and therefore that meant that I was in control of what was allowed into it, (the good,the bad, and the ugly), and

2.   I had by a series of choices, laid the foundation for my unhappiness, and so by a series of better choices, I could lay the foundation for the happiness I was searching for. 

That one sentence spoken by a total stranger, had a huge impact on me. Still to this day I don’t know what made that PBS special any different than that stack of self-help books I had been ignoring in the corner, but  I began to question why I was my own worse enemy.  I decided to take control of my life.   I began to investigate the mystery that was me by voraciously pouring through that stack of self-help books.   Some of them were helpful,(a lot of “AHA” moments), and  some of them weren’t.  Rather or not I implemented any of the tips and ideas, I gained valuable insights into myself.   The beauty of self-help is that there is no one prescribed way to take you to you, and once you start to see your life transforming, you will be inspired to create more in your life.      

 Along my journey,as I implement these relatively small life changes, I have managed to learn, and am still learning so much about myself. About what is important to me, my passion, what I am capable of creating in my own life, and most of all, I am learning about love.  I cherish my life now.  I am more fulfilled, and more at  peace internally.   

Self-help does work. 

It has transformed countless lives, and it can transform yours as well. There is no book that will tell you how to solve all of your problems,  they can only bring certain things to your attention.  Bruce Lee said it best, “It is not enough to know, we must apply”.   You have to be committed to implementing the changes.  All it requires is that you are honest about the things that you feel need improving, and “that you begin to take the necessary steps to make the corrections”-Jessie Harris.

Thank you Dr. Wayne Dyer, for being the peaceful face, that called me into my life.

Why Do I Need Fixing?

When something is in disrepair, the first thing that comes to mind is “can it be fixed”?  We tend to have an opinion about everything that needs to be repaired.  “The economy needs to be fixed”, “The healthcare situation needs to be fixed”, “What they should do is fix these war situations”.  How many times have you ever heard someone say “you know I need to fix myself, I’m in a state of disrepair”? If you say you’ve heard it a lot of times…please email me the name of the state you are in, because I need to visit that place.  For the majority of us, the answer is, hardly ever.

For some strange reason, we tend to believe that we are perfect and that everything/everybody else needs to be fixed.

The truth is this, the situations, and circumstances that we deem in disrepair, are created by people who have a mind-set that is also in disrepair.  Our thoughts become our actions.  It is not the situation that needs to be fixed; it is the mind that created the situation that needs to be fixed.

We all have areas in our lives that require some tweekin, and tinkering.  “To err is human”.  Even though we have convinced ourselves that we are perfect, and everyone else is flawed, none of us can be perfect.  Perfection is a concept that varies from individual to individual.  

The entire point of self-improvement is not to obtain a perfect state of being.  The point is to attain a more truthful state of being.   The first step to improving oneself is to first, honestly admit that there are things about you, that you could improve upon.

Once you have identified some of those things, it is up to you how you proceed on your path of self-improvement.  Everyone’s is different.  My path started at this point: I started looking at the things people did, that upset me.  I began to ask myself why those things upset me.  Then I asked myself if I had ever acted/did/said/ anything similar.  In being honest with myself, I had to admit that I too have displayed some of the same behavior that I detested.   Talk about being punched in the gut without being touched! I decided to investigate why I had done those things, said those things, thought certain things, and why I behaved in certain ways.  

See, I never saw myself as a hateful, negative, or unhappy person.  As a matter of fact, on the inside I am genuinely happy, and loving.  So when I saw that the way I thought about people, the critical, judgmental eye I viewed my world with; suffice it to say, it didn’t feel too good.  My actions were not reflecting who I felt I was on the inside.  I wasn’t even aware that I was broken.  In an instant I began to see that the things/ people, that I thought needed fixing, were all aspects of me.  I began to understand why other people do the things they do, say the things they say, act out in the ways they do.  I effectively began to see myself in everyone.  My journey truly started when I began to treat everyone I meet as if they were me.  Because we are all just different versions of the same blue print.  I am now experiencing love on a level I never imagined.  I feel connected.  I have discovered that love is my path on my journey.  I had so many misconceptions about love, and I am continuously learning new and wonderful aspects of unconditional, accepting love.  The interactions I have with my family and friends now is improving because I now know what a treasure they are.  That is why I needed fixing.  To be able to experience love in its fullest sense.  

Your reason for needing to be fixed may be entirely different.  It may be acceptance, or humility, or understanding, patience, or empathy.  But those seem to be some of the things that we lack, and that lack of, causes us to need  repairing.  Wishing you peace, as you travel on your journey.